A Tribute to Special Needs Fathers

           Father’s Day is such a beautiful and perfect day to reflect on the men in our lives who care for us, provide for us, and protect us. These men, whether they be Fathers, Grandfathers, Uncles, Brothers, or friends; each provide a substance and clarity to our lives that we cannot live without. Their presence and love is irreplaceable. They are our heroes.

            Today I wish to write especially about the extraordinary men in this world known as “Special Needs Fathers”-specifically My Hero: My Husband.

            On February 17, 2013, Blake and I were blessed with one of God’s most special spirits; Londyn McCall. At 32 weeks pregnant I felt there was something not right with the pregnancy. After an ultrasound we were able to determine that I had low amniotic fluid and that it may be in Londyn’s best interest to deliver her at that time. Before we decided to deliver her, our doctor had us meet with a parenatologist to see if he was making the right decision. At that appointment we were told that our precious baby had had a massive brain bleed within the last two days. We were told that she had a 50/50 chance of being severely handicapped or living a normal healthy life.  About two weeks later I ended up back in the hospital because of severe pre-eclampsia. Our doctor ordered another ultrasound and then called us to a meeting right away. He told us that the trauma that Londyn had suffered was far too severe for her to make it in this life. He told us that there would be no way that she could live and that we would likely only get to have her with us for a few minutes.

            It was in that moment in time that I realized that the greatest man I have ever known was sitting right by my side. We were both devastated. As I sobbed uncontrollably, Blake held me and promised me that he would do everything in his power to help me be okay. He promised he would get me whatever help I needed to survive this horrific tragedy. He held me all through the night as I cried and all through the next day. He never left my side. Although he was in excruciating pain, he put my needs before his.

            A day later, we met our Miracle baby; and to everyone’s astonishment, she was alive! She was breathing on her own! She was even sucking on a binkie! The pride and love that I saw in that new daddy's face as he burst through the operating doors to let me know that Londyn was alive and well, was one of the purest things I have ever been privileged to see. Did he know that Londyn was going to have problems? Absolutely. Did that change his love for her? I believe it absolutely did; he loved her even more that he could have ever thought imaginable. He has always been the most proud father, and it brings such happiness to my heart to see the love he has for her.

            From the moment she was born, Blake has been nothing short of amazing. During the time that our life went array, Blake was working two jobs and had 15 credit hours in school. He had every right to drop his school, even drop a job, but he didn’t. He did everything he could to support our family, all without ever complaining. He would come to the hospital every moment that he could to spend time with his angel and support me.

            After Londyn came home from the hospital, he was the biggest help to me- whether it was helping to warm bottles, change diapers, or cook dinner, he’d do it. There was a point in Londyn’s life when we had to wake her up every 3 hours to feed her-night and day. It would take at least an hour to feed her, sometimes two. Blake would help me feed her every single night and then he would get up at 6:00am to go to school. He makes every effort to be at Londyn’s important doctor appointments. Whenever he comes home from work, he instantly begins helping me with her. Most of all, he has given the most beautiful, unconditional love to the most perfect little human I know. When I see the way that he loves her, my love for him grows more than I ever knew possible.

            A few months ago, Londyn finally received a diagnosis. She has a very rare syndrome called Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, Type 6a. It was definitely not what any parent ever wants to hear. It was heart breaking and unfair, but none-the-less, we were grateful to have answers. Blake has been my shoulder to cry on, my confidant, and my counselor. He has helped me to try and sort out some of the confusion, frustration, sadness, and anger that I feel. He has stood strong when I no longer could. He is my soul mate and my perfect other half.

            Through all of the triumph, the tragedy, the unknown, the answers, the happy, the sad… I have seen the toll that it has taken on his very tender heart. I have watched him fight his hardest battles with his inner self. For all Dad’s and men in general- I believe they feel they are the protectors.  They are the fixers. When something is wrong, they make it right. When something is broken, they fix it. Unfortunately for these special needs dads, they can’t fix their broken child. They can’t change the unfair things in this life, and I know they would do absolutely anything to make things right for their child. I see how much it tears him up inside to face this daunting truth. I see the sheer physical and emotional exhaustion from all of the worry, the anxiety, and the stress that comes from providing and caring for a special needs child.

            I have watched as both of our dreams and aspirations for Londyn have changed. We celebrate even the tiniest milestones that she achieves.  We have learned to not take anything for granted. We have learned what matters most in this life. We live for the day when she will some day be made whole again.

            My husband is my hero. He has never sat back and just “let me be the mom.” He has equally helped, parented, and nurtured our daughter and I could not be more grateful for the strength that he adds to my life each and every day.

            Today, celebrate all of those amazing men in your life. The heroes. The Dad’s. And especially, if you get the chance to see or talk to a “Special Needs Dad” please give him an extra hug, or strong pat on the back and recognize them for the extraordinary role that they play in the lives of our extraordinary kids.

MY DADDY, MY HERO

Before I was even a twinkle in your eye,

God picked you to be my Daddy.

He fashioned my body with a reason and a purpose

and He knew I needed you to help me through this life.

He knew I'd need your strong arms to carry me when I couldn't walk.

He knew I'd need your fun laugh to cheer me when I was sad.

He knew you'd sit with me for hours and cuddle when I felt sick.

He knew your adventurous spirit would make my life so fun and normal.

He knew I would thrive as you shared with me your love of the outdoors.

He knew Mommy needed a strong shoulder to cry on to support her through

tough times.

I do know that Daddies get frustrated sometimes......

because they want to 'fix' things and make the bad times 'go away'---

That's just the way God made Daddies!

I know you would do anything to make my struggles disappear.

I also know that you will always be my biggest fan!

You'll always be my hero!

We're a good team, you and me.

I'm teaching you about God and His eternal perspective.

You're teaching me to enjoy this beautiful life and our journey here on

Earth.

We've both learned to be thankful for the little things in life.

You and Mommy don't take any of my accomplishments and milestones for

granted.

I revel in the pride that shines from your adoring eyes.

I know that I can try anything if I set my mind to it--

As long as you are behind me to cheer me on and catch me when I fall.

I see glimpses of my Heavenly Father in your eyes......

the love, the pride, the pain and the unconditional acceptance.

I am whole and perfect in your eyes.

I am beautiful and charming in your eyes.

You don't care that I may not be just like all the other little girls......

That's why you love me so much!

One thing is for sure.....

I have you wrapped around my little finger and I won't ever let you go.

Thank you for loving me for who I am and for guiding me towards Heaven......

where someday I will run and jump and maybe even fly!!

I can't wait for the day when I am holding your hand and God's hand

and we are walking together into the sunrise of forever.......

- Brooklynne Pando
www.utahkidsfoundation.com
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